Detroiters Quote Database

• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

  meme it

  
  

  Commercial idea. Ready for this? Meat. Cook that shit or your ass gonna get sick.

  - Ned
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  Ah-ah-ah, this one gonna twist your drawers up. Ready for this? Onion rings: French fries with pussy holes.

  - Ned
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  All I can do is three "sirs."

  - Ned
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  You know who pissed me off? Dale Stern, the principal of Diana Lewis Elementary, who permanently cancelled pizza Fridays. Now, if pizza's not healthy, how come I've never seen a fat Italian? You, sir, are a pepperoni. And you are my "Chump of the Week."

  - Mort Crim
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  Listen, bro, she made chicken in front of a chicken. The chicken was looking at me like I was crazy. I'm like, fam, I don't know what to tell you. So, now I got the chicken in my house and now I can't eat chicken...

  - Ned
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  Yo! It's the kangaroo man. Yo, sir, what's in the pouch? Can I fight it? I'll beat the shit out of this kangaroo.

  - Ned
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  She stomps on his balls. He's a naughty boy, and she stomps on his balls.

  - Sam Duvet
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  Oh. Do I look like your momma? Do I look like the one who held your head in the bathtub till all the brain cells disappeared? I ain't your momma.

  - Wanda
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  I like soup, too, son, but I just enjoy heating it up first.

  - Mort Crim
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  Who shit in his pants?

  - Mort Crim
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  We here at Garner Weich understand the importance of comfort in an uncomfortable world. The economy in shambles. Unemployment at an all-time high. And the chilling reality that we're living every moment in the bloodthirsty crosshairs of ISIS.

  - Mort Crim
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  Folks, I won't sugarcoat it. ISIS won't stop until every last one of us is pink mist in the wind.

  - Mort Crim
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  I'm giving you gold. Don't make me shovel crap.

  - Mort Crim
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  New day, fat ass. New Ned, too. New balls on this new Ned are bigger, stronger.

  - Ned
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  I'm not going back to Chuck E. Cheese. The guy wore his real jeans. Like, his real jeans from home. Like, jeans, a shirt, big-ass Chuck E. Cheese head.

  - Ned
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  Good morning, chumps. You received many boxes of diarrhea this morning in the mail.

  - Sheila Portnadi
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  Ugh, boxes of diarrhea? I used to be the one sending diarrhea to "Chumps of the Week." I'm the one getting them?

  - Sam Duvet
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  I hate that it's us but I-I respect these people's passion.

  - Tim Cramblin
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  Uh, did you guys get your boxes filled with crap?

  - Mort Crim
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  A wedding party in Southfield turned ugly today when a bunch of ugly people showed up.

  - Mort Crim
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  This is not my jacket. I don't know what you're talking about. Bye, nerd! Keep walking. Keep walking, nerd. Bye! Thank you. Cool. I won't wear the jacket anymore.

  - Tim Cramblin