Detroiters Quote Database

• Pilot, Season: 1, Ep: 1

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  You got it. Two beers. Hot or cold?

  - Judy
  

  

  
• Hog Riders, Season: 1, Ep: 2

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  It's just how I look, sir, how my skull is.

  - Tim Cramblin
  

  

  
• Sam "The Man", Season: 1, Ep: 3

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  Yeah, just a guy with a Joe Louis fist in his pants and a freshly bleached butthole you could eat off of? Mwah! Mama mia.

  - Sam Duvet
  

  

  
• Devereux Wigs, Season: 1, Ep: 4

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  Wait a minute. What if my name was Dick Pussy?

  - Tim Cramblin
  

  

  
• Happy Birthday Mr. Duvet, Season: 1, Ep: 5

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  Yeah. And I pooped too. You're also smelling my crap.

  - Tim Cramblin
  

  

  
• Third Floor, Season: 1, Ep: 6

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  If we don't poop, we die, Sheila.

  - Sam Duvet
  

  

  
• Smilin' Jack, Season: 1, Ep: 7

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  Jack, you're known all over town as the guy with a dick in his mouth.

  - Tim Cramblin
  

  

  
• Dream Cruise, Season: 1, Ep: 8

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  Who's the monster? Me for shaving the hair off corpses or the rest of the world for burying that silky hair underground where no one can use it?

  - Rhonda Devereux
  

  

  
• Husky Boys, Season: 1, Ep: 9

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  So there we were, sitting there, little servings of shit in front of us, staring at this half-naked man, and you know what? We were still waiting for him to bring it all home. That's how good he was, man.

  - Chuck
  

  

  
• Quick Rick Mahorn in Dearborn, Season: 1, Ep: 10

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  Hey, how ya doin'? I'll have four Boston Coolers, but put some booze in 'em.

  - Tim Cramblin
  

  

  
• April in the D, Season: 2, Ep: 1

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  Do I look like a whale penis?
  

  

  
• Jefferson Porger, Season: 2, Ep: 2

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  Hell no. Please leave the room... butt first.

  - Jefferson Porger
  

  

  
• Duvet Family Reunion, Season: 2, Ep: 3

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  Yeah, I mean, you only get abs like that if you do crack.

  - Sam Duvet
  

  

  
• Trevor, Season: 2, Ep: 4

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  That's it! Time to take you to the bottom! The Rock Bottom!

  - Trevor Cramblin
  

  

  
• Farmer Zack, Season: 2, Ep: 5

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  Okay, you two. Make love to my ears. Bareback, baby. No Jimmy. Raw dog.

  - Tim Cramblin
  

  

  
• Mort Crim, Season: 2, Ep: 6

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  Good morning, chumps. You received many boxes of diarrhea this morning in the mail.

  - Sheila Portnadi
  

  

  
• Lois, Season: 2, Ep: 7

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  Heck no, I'm packed full of sperm. They're huge too. I can feel them inside me right now. Sometimes they hurt when they blast out.

  - Tim Cramblin
  

  

  
• Hark Motors, Season: 2, Ep: 8

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  Don't come to our toilet, reach in, and pull out our shit!

  - Tim Cramblin
  

  

  
• Little Caesars, Season: 2, Ep: 9

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  I'm just proud of you. But I bet your dumps are way bigger and way messier. I'd love to see 'em, even if just in the toilet.

  - Paul
  

  

  
• Royals, Season: 2, Ep: 10

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  You don't say when the jam session's over! No one does! It just kind of fizzles out. You lose the groove, and it fizzles out.

  - Crazy Terrance